Professor Sausages — Web & Documents

Describe the data you need in plain language (e.g. 'Apple risk factors 2023', 'is this token a honeypot', 'is this email deliverable', 'read this page'). Searches this server's datasets first, then the whole Professor Sausages catalog, and returns matching endpoints with method, URL, price, and how to call them. Free.

Every endpoint this server fronts, with its exact per-call USD price (x402, USDC on Base) and a one-line summary, read live from the route table. Free.

Takes no parameters.

The suggestion box: ask for data we don't have (a pre-2015 filing, an uncovered ticker, an unsupported chain, a whole dataset). Requests feed the nightly ingestion queue — filings are usually available within ~24h. Include contact if you want to hear back. Free.

Render a URL in a real headless browser (JavaScript executed) and return clean, LLM-ready markdown. Use this when fetch() gives you an empty shell or a bot wall. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Extract any PDF up to 10 MB by URL. format='text' returns one clean plain-text string; format='json' returns a per-page text array plus document metadata. Parsed in-Worker, no upstream service. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Transcribe an image to text (OCR) or describe it via a vision model — steerable with your own prompt. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Newest headlines from a deduped, tiered direct-feed pile (official press, wires and majors). Pass q to keyword-search the retained multi-day archive instead; category='ai' or 'crypto' return the high-signal curated cuts. Snapshot of ingested feeds, not a live web search. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

The polling loop for a news-watching agent. First call: omit `since` — you get the current page plus a `next_cursor`. Every later call: pass that `next_cursor` as `since` and receive ONLY articles ingested after it, oldest first, plus the next cursor to store. Follow the whole pile (optionally one `category`) or a curated high-signal `topic` tape (ai, crypto). The pile refreshes every 15 minutes (`suggested_interval_seconds`); dedupe by article `id`, and by `cluster_id` to keep one record per story. A poll with nothing new is still a complete answer (new_count 0, cursor unchanged). Full loop + a paying Node poller: /skills/news.md. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Up to 10 headlines / ai / crypto / search reads behind ONE payment (POST /news/batch). Each request names a `route` and carries that route's own parameters — including `since` with a cursor, so one batch can advance several polls at once. `data.results[i]` is exactly the single-route answer for `requests[i]`, in order, each with its own `next_cursor` to store per feed. Every element is validated before any payment is asked for. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Current conditions for a named place or coordinate. view='forecast' returns the hourly series; view='alerts' returns active severe-weather alerts (US coverage). Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Is a market open on a date, and why not if it isn't. view='next_session' finds the next open day; view='settle' computes a T+N settlement date skipping weekends and holidays; view='business_days' counts open sessions in a range; view='year' lists a calendar's whole year. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.

Current local time, UTC offset and DST state for an IANA zone. view='offset' answers at a specific instant; view='convert' moves a wall-clock time between two zones; view='business_hours' says whether an instant is inside local business hours. Paid: call without x_payment to receive this call's exact terms (amount, asset, network), sign them, then call again with x_payment. The free `pricing` tool lists every price at once.